Red Deer Reality Rant #45 - Self Acceptance in the Face of Adversity. A Positive Rant.
Hello again fellow Red Deerians. I’m back on this holiday Monday for another Rant and I have a doozy in store for you today. This weekly blog is a rant, however I strive for positivity in each post. My problem today is not with anything in the city of Red Deer, but rather with the attitudes of some people. I had a very rude and disrespectful experience on this past Friday and I would like to argue today for a better understanding.
If you don’t know me, then you might not know that I am a large person. Friends and family have told me that I am not fat. If you use that word it is disrespectful and an offensive label to use for a person. Sometimes I describe myself as fat, and am not bothered by the word, except that now I have come to realize that it is an unfair judgment upon myself. However, I still face the judgment of others daily.
On Friday I was out enjoying drinks and a show with friends. I believe that I have lost a bit of weight and am feeling better about myself. We were at a bar, and I enjoy trying to dress well and appropriately for all situations. I decided to wear a corset style top, with not too much in my opinion exposed, and I believed myself to look normal for the occasion. I was having fun until I encountered a rather rude woman.
She was sitting near me at the next table in the bar, and was in close proximity because the bar seemed to be at capacity. I mind my own business so I didn’t notice her until I happened to glance in her direction and we made eye contact. She used the opportunity to voice her unprovoked and unwarranted opinion about my outfit. Very bad decision on her part because it happens to be one of my biggest pet peeves that someone should bother me about whatever I am wearing.
I am a big person. I have to go to great pains to find clothing to fit. When I find something I like and it fits well I wear it. This is not anyone else’s business or problem and I will not tolerate or accept any one else’s judgments. This woman sitting next to me was obviously the kind of person that I would never associate myself with or tolerate her faults, as every person has, because she was so disrespectful and rude to me.
She said that I was brave to wear what I was wearing, a minor insult, but then said that she
couldn’t stop looking at me and was staring and proceeded to comment on my size and that she was much more covered up than me. She made other ruder comments that promptly went in one of my ears and then out the other because I just couldn’t believe what she was saying and refused to accept it as any kind of truth. I have a filter for truth, and intelligence, and she was obviously an idiot.
If I had had about 10 more vodka drinks, I would currently be up on murder charges because I would have beat the living crap out of her. But I did not. Instead I gave her a concise lecture about immaturity and body positivity. I told her the truth. I said that we care too much what others think when we are teenagers, she was obviously over 40 years old, but then we grow up and we learn to respect others and accept ourselves as we are, and that I accepted myself and did not care about what others thought.
I didn’t see her after that. I don’t know if she left or not or just became invisible to me because of her rudeness and lack of respect, that I now also felt for her. Since Friday night I have reflected and know that I made the right choices and have no more ill will towards her. Because I accept myself, and I will likely not worry about what others think about me. Be kind to yourself, stay brutal, and don’t let anyone bring you down.