Hello and welcome back to P-Vock's Music Box.
Friends, something weird happened to me recently. I was brought in for a performance review at work and received a raise, which means I'm not terrible at tricking my boss into thinking I know what I'm doing! I guess that also means I have slightly more money.
So let's celebrate by talking about a riches-to-riches absolute chad of a man.
A man who steals castles and eats enough garlic to nuke Transylvania.
The icon whose wealth is as vast as his girth.
The double-caked-up sultan of sweet who makes capitalism look so damn sexy.
You better brace yourself for the power of the Wah!
Basically every Wario is about one thing, making them fat stacks. Whether it be through funding video games and not funding the people who make them as if you were Bobby Kotick himself, finding treasure, or attacking and dethroning a demon god (yes that really happened), the Wah man will make bank.
The one thing all of Wario's games have in common is chasing that money.
Oh, and I guess they also have dope music.
The WarioWare games are all about bite-sized microgames that fly at you in rapid succession while you just try to stomach the chaos. With this identity, it makes sense that the music would be a little chaotic and full of noise as if mimicking a busy office building. What doesn't make sense, however, is why this music slaps with enough percussive force to level a large building. This melody has stuck in my head for decades, and I can't say I want it to go anywhere else.
This music is also funny to me because I can't hear it without getting immediately hot and wanting to vomit.
I first played this game on my GBA while in British Columbia on a family trip. During this trip, I ate (what I assume were) some bad fish and chips and later vomited on the floor of the rental car as I played this game. Momma Vock was concerned, Papa Vock wanted to strike me, and that story has nothing to do with the music but I don't know where else I can tell that story.
But alright, let's get some adventuring music.
Wario games are funky. That statement applies to their visual style, plot, character moments, smell, and music. It feels like a rather traditional theme for a nice 2D platformer if you dipped it in garlic.
I really don't have much to say about this one. It's a simple tune that I just plain enjoy. It does the job it wants to and lets you move on with your day. It also happens to come from a game that I consider a genuine masterpiece that everyone should play if possible.
But alright, now I have one of the greatest pieces of music ever.
I promise that you do not know what you're about to experience.
Every time. Every time.
Every single time you pause the Gamecube gem Wario World, you are greeted with this BANGER. It's unique. It's full of heart. It's transcendent. It is an unapologetic masterpiece!
Memes aside, I love Wario World. I love Wario as a character. And yes, I love this music an unhealthy amount.
Much as the Wario noises make me laugh even after almost two whole ass decades, I genuinely can't stop bobbing along to this tune.
Also, if you play it in the game for a stupid long time, Wario will literally apologize to you. I don't think I can offer anything more to say after that.
Wario honestly is one of my favourite Mario characters. He's just so obnoxious, so selfish, so thicc. He's like Elon Musk if Elon contributed anything good to society.
So, with that being said, I hope you have yourselves a real Wario of a weekend, thank you as always for checking out my nonsense, and I hope to catch you back here next time with another suggestion from my Music Box.