A hazy recollection of the CWE event on October 23
Hey kids! Do you like violence? Oh wait, we’re not doing the Eminem thing. This is wrestling! CWE Wrestling to be precise! If you weren’t at the Quality Inn on October 23, soaking in this high octane action, then we pity you! But since we are such nice people at Brutal Reality Digest, we’ll fill you in on exactly what you missed - 5 great matches over 2 hours. They sold us the whole banquet chair seat but as they say, we only needed the edge of it! Join 5 brutes as we break down, to the best of our impaired recollection, what we witnessed on that fateful evening!
MATCH 1: "Tasty" Travis Cole vs. Tyler Adams vs. CWE Tag Team Champion "The Canadian Crusher" AJ Sanchez
Dirty Perty: This not only was my first time at live pro wrestling, but the first match was a triple threat match. We all know how I love a three way. As soon as the announcer started bellowing in to the mic the excitement took over and I turned into an unbridled, frothing at the mouth, wrestling fanatic. The adrenaline pumping through my veins as the announcer’s voice booms over the loudspeaker “Weighing 375 pounds from Justice Manitoba. He is the Canadian Crusher. A.J. Sanchez!”
Before I even understand what’s happening I hear my own voice joined by the crowds in a chorus of Boo’s as Sanchez hurls insults at the crowd as he saunters towards the ring. “This is going to be as easy as the ladies in Red Deer!” he bellows. I think to myself “Gee this is not his first time in town.” The announcer introduces the next opponent “From Saskatoon Saskatchewan, Tyler Adams!” and from behind the curtain springs a muscle bound young chap. Full of piss and vinegar and probably a false sense of youth and indestructibility.
Finally, the third opponent, and my hero, is announced. “From Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Weighing 228 pounds, Tasty Travis Cole!” As Tasty bursts from the curtain, dripping with charisma and body oil, I hear the young ladies shouting while losing their minds. “Tasty, we love you!” and” oh they should call him Big Tasty!” or was that coming from me? It doesn’t matter.
The match starts with Tyler and Tasty forming an alliance. The Canadian Crusher, realizing he is out gunned, starts shrieking about how the crowd in Red Deer is filthy and full of Covid and won’t wrestle them because they were running around high fiving the crowd and now infected. He slinks out of the ring to sit on the side lines leaving Tyler and Tasty to fight amongst themselves. The crowd, in awe and cheering, is treated to an amazing display of strength, sweat and sexiness as Tyler and Tasty swap blow for blow with technical prowess. Finally with both wrestlers starting to show signs of tiring out, The Canadian Crusher sees his chance and lifts his girth from his front row seat and enters the ring. With a body 90 percent pudding and 10 percent arrogance, he trades blows with Tasty and Tyler delivering punishment as only the Canadian Crusher can do. At first, defending himself from an assortment of attacks delivered from both Tasty and Tyler proving why he is the one half the CWE tag team champion.
Tyler underestimates A.J. 's power and skill and is soon taken out by the behemoth leaving it up to Travis to save the day and pin The Canadian crusher. They go mano a mano, Travis slowly gains the upper hand due to his superior technique and stamina. Climbing the ropes, with the crowd cheering, Tasty leaps through the air with the grace and beauty of an angel, landing a devastating blow. Pinning Sanchez in the middle of the ring, the big man narrowly escapes the 3 count to the disappointment of the crowd. Sanchez rolls outside the ring to catch his breath and the ref begins his slow count from ten.
Wait….what’s this…sprinting towards the ring behind the refs back? A massive blobby streak of green nimbly dives into the ring delivering cheap shot after cheap shot on Tasty knocking him to the mat. The Green menace known as the Boston Bruiser Kevin Doyle slithers quickly out of the ring with the ref completely unaware. The Canadian Crusher eyes his opportunity and reenters the ring for a couple more cheap shots on Tasty and lays his massive girth on top of Travis for the three count.
The Canadian Crusher A.J. Sanchez takes the win. He is treated to more boo’s from the crowd as he makes his way to the change room. Tyler helps an injured Tasty Travis limp back to the dressing room as the young ladies to my side gasp ”How’s his face??? How’s his beautiful face?" Yes, children out there. Sometimes the cheaters do win.
WINNER: AJ Sanchez
MATCH 2 - 4x CWE Champion "Hotshot" Danny Duggan vs. Former CNWA Champion "Lion Warrior" Bobby Sharp
Trixie: The air was stale. Bed sheet-like curtains were seemingly pinned around the windows. Is that floral or paisley wallpaper in the background? Is that a wrestling ring or a giant-sized spare bed with pillows tossed around the edges? Did I just hear Metallica playing upstairs while the adults gamble and stomp, drink and sing? We are just kids in the basement. Ready to scrap it out in a stream of matches that would determine our roles in the dog pile of the night so we could get to the more important matters. Matters like who will be the Ultimate Super Villain that leads their team to Endless Glory, and who will be on the team that sucks farts?
Friday night, I found myself in a scene that rushed me to some place in my childhood. This is fantastic! They really nailed the feel of the nights when our parents wanted to party and us kids had to be friends. Nights when we were fueled on pop, pizza and candy, loud music, and the faint smell of cigarette smoke trickling down the basement stairs came rushing to my mind. I remember my first black eye was here in this scene, fooling around like jack asses, all in good fun. Better not sit in the front row, black eyes aren’t the same as they used to be.
I can’t quite tell you who was who, what was what, or how things really turned out Friday. My mind was a whirling wind of treasured memories and what was happening in the present moment. My first crush, swinging from the rope that was hanging from the basement beams, fighting his way up the ranks as he slammed another kid off his feet. Something like Blue Shorts-Black Boots, and Red-White Hot pants were doing in that ring in front of me. Cartoon Bubble Friggin Hearts!! (My BRD folk remind me that it was the Lion Warrior Bobby Sharp and Hotshot Danny Duggan in that ring. Thanks friends). Pulling hair? No, no! We weren’t allowed to do that. Ahh shoot! Did he tickle or grab the dude’s junk?
“You SHUT UP!”, some kid shouted to the wrestlers from the audience. “That’s not FAIR!”, another kid blurted out. Rolling snarls and growls of riled up children in the crowd. I almost did say, “yeah, you ass-bag, zero charisma, no house, walkin the dog m*ther F*cker!”. Just a most awesome insult like back when we were growing up. That’s not how this story rolled out though.
Lion Warrior Bobby Sharp, or as he will forever remain in my heart, Blue Shorts-Black Boots, was our Alpha and Champ for that match. And oh yeah, little closing note: Just like that one kid that didn’t partake in the fighting but still insisted to mouth off from the side lines took a hit to the five-hole, so too did the referee after this match was ended. You friggin know what you did, Ref!
WINNER: Bobby Sharp
As you can see, these boys have a history!
MATCH 3 - "The Headline" Shaun Martens w/"The Canadian Queen" Kimberley Ford vs. "The Zombie Killer" MENTALLO
Gabedogg: Mentallo the Zombie Killer enters the ring. They announce he is from parts unknown... wherever he's from, I feel sorry for the zombies that lurk that area (dude's a beast) and things don't look good for Shaun Martens, who kinda looks like a really jacked barista. Mentallo seems the more honorable wrestler of the two. Shaun Martens is busy flipping his hair, looking for approval from the Canadian Queen, and constantly taunting the Zombie Killer. Sneaking cheap shots and running is more Martens’ style from what I can tell. Fair exchanges never end in Martens’ favor and he is not about to let that stop him from retaining the championship!
Video taken from Kimberly Ford's Twitter account
Enter the Canadian queen who blindsided Mentallo just enough for Martens to deliver a volley of cheap shots and ultimately be disqualified. Unfortunately, you can't win the belt by disqualification so the match ends in Martens favor. Mentallo, now upset, gets a hold of the Canadian Queen and delivers an earth shattering pile driver the likes of which are rarely seen, leaving her in a blunt force trauma induced slumber!
WINNER: Mentallo (by DQ)
(Editor's note) - According to the Canadian Queen's Twitter account, she has exacted revenge on Mentallo by stealing one of his plushy toys that were for sale (for a reasonable price) at the event. She plans on using it as a voodoo doll of sorts to send Mentallo back to the depths of Hell where he belongs! God speed, Kimberly! God speed!
MATCH 4 - Lumberjack Larry vs. CWE Tag Team Champion "The Boston Bruiser" Kevin O'Doyle
Alison: This was a fun evening with a great atmosphere that I thoroughly enjoyed. By the time we got to this match between the confident and charmingly Scottish Lumberjack Larry and the shiny green hulk Kevin O’Doyle, the dramatic scene had been built, and the battle between Scottish stockiness and the Irish monstrosity began. Larry, after receiving the favour of the audience, tried to maneuver a Suplex move but failed, probably only due to the sheer mass of the Boston Bruiser. But Larry kept trying, he delivered a brutal drop-kick to O’Doyle’s groin. However, the Boston Bruiser’s craftiness and deceit was apparent as he started complaining of heart pains, which were obviously fake.
But then, O’Doyle’s tune quickly changed and he delivered a nasty clothesline to Larry and things took a turn for the worse for the brawny, plaid enveloped underdog. With a vengeance likely born from his lack of supporters in the audience, O’Doyle gave Larry a nasty little smack-down in the corner. However, when the valiant Larry got free both him and O’Doyle smashed each other to the floor of the ring. The crash shook both of them up, and Larry appeared to be hurting, but got up to fight anyway.
Then, the sneaky, deceitful overgrown snake O’Doyle limped out of the ring with an obviously fake heart attack. After that, the Canadian Crusher, bad boy A.J Sanchez took the opportunity to help O’Doyle cheat by kicking butt on our hero, Larry. “Tasty” Travis Cole and Tyler Adams, from the first match, burst onto the scene and fixed Crusher’s wagon, to the great luck of Lumberjack Larry.
O’Doyle must have decided to come out then, looking like a coward. He was in good condition and not affected at all by his apparent heart attack. Larry saved the day by putting O’Doyle in a headlock and holding him down for the count. Victorious Larry had won the approval of the audience. With much cheering of the people and kids flinging insults at the defeated Boston Bruiser, Kevin O’ Doyle skulked off. I was glad that Larry had won. Mr. O’Doyle had lost my favour by his rudeness before the match. Yes kids, that means play nice and fair and good things will come to you. Be like the Boston Bruiser and you will get what is coming to you.
Winner: Lumberjack Larry
MATCH 5 - "Honey Badger" Johnny Devine vs. "Cheetahbear" Jude Dawkins
Jawsh: Here we go, ladies and gentlemen! The main event! I was no stranger to the antics of Cheetahbear Jude Dawkins as I had seen him wrestle at the BEW event several weeks ago. He was even kind enough to record a promo spot for BRD so I guess it’s fair to say I was choosing the Cheetahbear as my top mammal for the evening. But don’t count out the Honey Badger! Johnny Devine has been around the wrestling scene for a minute and was even trained by the legendary Hart Foundation back in the day. He’s also collected paychecks from such outfits at TNA, Stampede Wrestling, and even the WWE. Needless to say, he was not going to be easy prey for Mr. Dawkins!
If you haven’t seen the Cheetahbear fight, you should know he uses a series of grunts as an intimidation factor. It didn’t work on Johnny Devine. He openly mocked the Cheetahbear call and stated that his breath smelled not unlike a rotting beef carcass. In Dawkin’s defense, he admitted to devouring one shortly before the match. Halitosis aside, Dawkins held his ground and the two went blow for blow. Both dudes are highly charismatic so there wasn’t a clear heel in this match, although I got the feeling we were supposed to be backing the Cheetahbear. He didn’t disappoint and after he persuaded the crowd to join him in his Grunting spree, he ended up victorious. Devine would appear to be angry but eventually raised Dawkins hand, signalling he was more than okay losing to such a vicious animal!
Winner: Cheetahbear Jude Dawkins
To conclude, if wrestling is coming to your town, and you feel comfortable attending, we say make it happen! $20 for 2 solid hours of entertainment is well worth the price of admission. Our only qualm was the poster advertised 106.7 The Drive's Jason Foui as the host but he wasn't there. Where were ya Foui??? Oh well, we got over it and still had a great time. While the venues may be a little dicey and often hilarious, put that aside and let these seasoned scrappers make you forget about your real world problems. 5 stars! BRD will be going again!